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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24292114">Lost</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkEasterEggs/pseuds/PinkEasterEggs'>PinkEasterEggs</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin and Padme actually talk, Anakin needs therapy, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Padmé Amidala, Canon Divergence - Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, F/M, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, I'm going to say what we all know:, Like why didn't they ACTUALLY talk in the movie?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 06:47:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,986</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24292114</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkEasterEggs/pseuds/PinkEasterEggs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I feel lost."</p><p>“Lost . . . what do you mean?” Padme couldn’t help but frown, searching for any signs on her husband’s face that could give her an insight to what he meant. But Anakin was just frowning to the side, seeming conflicted about something. He seemed distant, his eyes filled with an emotion that the young wife couldn’t begin to describe. </p><p>How long had Anakin had this look in his eyes? Had she been oblivious to it before now or was this something new?</p><p> </p><p>Anakin and Padme have a heart-to-heart when he admits to feeling lost and frustrated with the Jedi Council. With truths about his relationship with Palpatine coming to light, Padme fights to talk some sense into her husband.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>236</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Lost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yesterday was the 15th anniversary of Rots and being a prequel movie fan, I went back and watched it and was once again infuriated by the amount of times Anakin and Padme didn't work through their problems in the movie. </p><p>I know that Anakin HAD to turn to the Dark Side and the movie couldn't be dedicated to Anakin getting the therapy he needs but it annoys me how little effort Padme puts in to her husband's problems. The dude tells her that he's lost, confused and struggling and she's like "calm down, you're fine". Ignoring the Star Wars concepts of turning to the Dark Side, if someone speaks like that then it should set off alarm bells, right?? And Padme isn't some stupid girl she's a BAMF who wouldn't want Anakin to feel so confused and scared so why doesn't she talk to him about how he's feeling?? </p><p>Everything that happened in and post-Rots could've been avoided if people just noticed how desperate Anakin was and actually talked through his feelings with him. Hence, this fic.</p><p>Ignore my rant and please enjoy :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Padme wandered into her apartment, pulling off the delicate shawl that she’d been wearing for her Senate function to help hide her ever-present baby bump, she felt rather light on her feet for the first time in what seemed like months. The true conception date of Padme’s pregnancy was hazy to her, she’d been too afraid to ask a droid any more than if her child were healthy considering the secrecy surrounding her baby’s father.</p><p> </p><p>But with how large she was carrying and how completely exhausted she seemed to feel as of late, Padme roughly estimated that she was about 7 months along— perhaps bordering 8. Anakin had been in the Outer Rim, fighting in the costly sieges, for just over 5 months and when Padme had discovered her pregnancy shortly after he’d left, she’d already been a month or two along.</p><p> </p><p>The baby in her stomach kicked wildly before she even noticed Anakin sitting on the sofa, datapad in hand. She wrapped her shawl over her arm and smiled, feeling her heart flutter at how much their little one already loved their father. Their son (Padme was convinced the baby was a boy despite Anakin’s refutal that: “I’m the Jedi, Angel, and I know we’re having a girl”— call it mother’s intuition but something in her just <em>knew,</em>) always grew hyperactive when in the presence of Anakin.</p><p> </p><p>“Obi-Wan’s been here, hasn’t he?” Anakin spoke the words as more a statement than a question; given his Jedi ability to sense the presence of other Force-users, Padme knew that there was little doubt in Anakin’s mind that his former Master had recently vacated their apartment. There was a slightly disgruntled expression on his face but Padme ignored it as she gently reached out to touch his back in a way of loving greeting.</p><p> </p><p>“He came by this morning,” she spoke calmly, seeing no issue in Obi-Wan’s visit. Padme carried on walking to their bedroom, intending to dress into something more comfortable now that her day was finished. She didn’t need Jedi senses to know Anakin was trailing behind her.</p><p> </p><p>“What did he want?”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s worried about you,” Padme admitted, sparing a glance at her husband to show him her sincerity. There was a small frown on Anakin’s face that she thought was misplaced. “He says you’ve been under a lot of stress.”</p><p> </p><p>Truthfully, Padme had been glad about Obi-Wan’s visit earlier in the day. The Jedi Master had only confirmed Padme’s fears that Anakin was struggling— although, of course, Obi-Wan was somewhat in the dark in many of the matters concerning Anakin’s stress.</p><p> </p><p>Why Anakin didn’t want to confide in his former Master, a man Anakin had admitted he viewed like a father, still seemed odd to Padme. But then again, she had yet to tell her family of her marriage and impending motherhood so it wasn’t as if she could argue the point too much.</p><p> </p><p>Padme was just laying her shawl down on the bed, making sure it was neatly placed, when Anakin’s words had her turning around, slightly shocked. “I feel lost.”</p><p> </p><p>“Lost . . . what do you mean?” She couldn’t help but frown, searching for any signs on her husband’s face that could give her an insight to what he meant. But Anakin was just frowning to the side, seeming conflicted about something. He seemed distant, his eyes filled with an emotion that the young wife couldn’t begin to describe. How long had Anakin had this look in his eyes? Had she been oblivious to it before now or was this something new?</p><p> </p><p>“Obi-Wan and the Council don’t trust me,” Anakin moved around the room, standing at the same window where he’d complained about Obi-Wan and the Council 3 years ago. For a second, Padme saw that Padawan once more, his words sharp and harsh as he’d protested how advanced he was and how his Master was holding him back.</p><p> </p><p>What had she said in return? Something about mentors having the funny ability to see the faults in their students, despite how much the student doesn’t want them to— she’d told him that it was the only way students could grow.</p><p> </p><p>“They trust you with their lives,” Padme tried to reason with her husband. This conversation shocked her, Anakin’s words of doubt and complaint about his former Master and the Council putting her on edge. A part of Padme had truly believed that after 3 years of War, Anakin had outgrown his adolescent insecurities concerning the Jedi. Before her now was not the arrogant Padawan who’d argued he was better than those teaching him but a hardened man who’d handled a vast amount of responsibility in the past few years.</p><p> </p><p>“Something’s happening,” Anakin stared out the window as if he were too afraid to even look at her. But then his head turned and he met his wife’s worried gaze with a steely look, something like fear in his hardened eyes. “I’m not the Jedi I should be. I want more! And I know I shouldn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“You expect too much of yourself,” she tried to brush his concerns away, reminding him that he didn’t need to put the weight of the Galaxy on his shoulders. Yes, Anakin was a very powerful man with a destiny like she’d never seen but at the end of the day, he was still a man. A man who was being put in an uncomfortable situation by the Council he served and facing impending expulsion from the Order when their child is born in a few short months.</p><p> </p><p>Padme could understand Anakin’s fears; she understood them because they were her own.</p><p> </p><p>The second Padme’s hand touched her husband’s arm, he instantly shifted to invite her into his embrace. Anakin’s strong arms held her in place, his hands gripping her waist as he stared into her eyes with such intensity that Padme was worried once again.</p><p> </p><p>“I found a way to save you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Save me?”</p><p> </p><p>His words had her speechless once again. Save her from what? There were no attempts being made on her life— Padme had made sure to take a step back from being in the spotlight of the politics as of late to prevent that very reason. The idea that she get caught up in a controversial bill or physically pursue a course of action that led to assassins once again trailing behind her, filled her with fear like she’d never felt before. Of course, if it were just her own life at risk then Padme would concede that she had to do her duty no matter the dangers— but with the baby, there was no way she was going to risk that.</p><p> </p><p>If she were to lose her and Anakin’s miracle due to some assassination attempt all because of Padme’s recklessness . . . well, Padme wasn’t sure she would ever forgive herself.</p><p> </p><p>Her hands wrapped around Anakin’s Jedi robes as his own hand moved up to stroke her arms. Her fingers clenched at the black leather as if she were afraid letting go meant Anakin would slip further and further away from her. Despite the closeness of their embrace, she felt so distant from him. As if there was a barrier between them, forcing them to not see eye-to-eye.</p><p> </p><p>“From my nightmares,” Anakin clarified, his hand still stroking her arms with ease.</p><p> </p><p>“Is that what’s bothering you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t lose you Padme,” Anakin’s voice was hard and it sent chills down her spine. Had she gravely mistaken the mental impact Anakin’s nightmares had left upon him? It had been only days since he’d confided in her about his horrible vision of her dying in childbirth and she’d shrugged it off, telling him not worry and that everything would be fine. She’d not taken his words seriously, the horror of what he’d said being too much for her to truly contemplate.</p><p> </p><p>After all, how could what he say be true? Padme was young, she was healthy and all reports made by the droids who examined her had stated the baby was growing just as he should. There were no pre-existing conditions of difficult labours in her family; both her mother and sister had birthed two children without complications. So why should she be any different?</p><p> </p><p>But with the way Anakin was staring at her, almost as if he was willing her to live with his eyes, she knew he wasn’t letting this matter be brushed over. The guilt of losing his mother had cut deep, tearing straight into his soul and there was a hardness in his eyes now. Something dark that told Padme he was willing to do <em>anything</em> as long as it meant she remained by his side.</p><p> </p><p>As much as she hated to admit it, Padme was scared.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not going to die in childbirth, Ani,” she shook her head gently. “I promise you—“</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Anakin’s teeth ground together, his hand that gently rested on her cheek clenching for a simple second. His voice was dark and he leaned his head forward to stare even deeper into her eyes. “I promise you!”</p><p> </p><p>Padme wanted to let the conversation go, she wanted to kick it under the rug and pull Anakin to bed so she could rest in his arms and throw baby names at him as if they hadn’t just talked about things that still reeled in her mind. But Anakin was still looking at her with a terrifying intensity and all Padme could think about was their conversation a day or so ago, back when they’d argued about the politics of the War.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo, so long ago when there was nothing but our love. No politics, no plotting, no War. . .</em>
</p><p> </p><p>They’d be arguing, butting heads for the millionth time as they disagreed on the politics around them. Anakin was a soldier, he always opted for the physical battle that would inevitably end the conflict. But Padme was a Politician and she knew destroying the Separatists in battle would never truly end the War— the only way for peace to resume would be for the opposing sides to agree to an outcome that would end the conflict in diplomatic matters. The War was more than just cutting down droids; it was like she’d said: the War represented a failure to listen.</p><p> </p><p>As Padme stared up into the eyes of her husband, his words still causing her to feel cold, she wondered how she could’ve caved so much the other day. They’d fought and rather than settle the matter, she’d just rested her head on Anakin’s chest and begged him to hold her like he had on their short but simple honeymoon.</p><p> </p><p>But their honeymoon was over. Their time of serenity, when it had been just them and their words of politics had been nothing but a back-and-fro conversation that had no true meaning, was over. She’d already admitted that Anakin was powerful and on top of that, he was the closest man to the Chancellor at the current time. It was not lost on Padme that now, Anakin’s words of politics had meaning. He wasn’t a Padawan talking off-record in a field on Naboo, discussing borderline tyrannical governments that he agreed with simply because “well, if it works”. His words were powerful now and most of what he was saying scared her to the core.</p><p> </p><p>“Ani, I’m healthy and young; I’m in no danger of a complicated childbirth.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t know that Padme,” Anakin seemed to growl, getting more and more worked up with every word. “You can’t promise that! My mother had been healthy when—“</p><p> </p><p>“Your mother was beaten,” she hated herself for saying it but that didn’t make the words less true. Shmi Skywalker’s position was vastly different to Padme’s now: where Padme was in perfect health, going through something that billions of women naturally went through every year, Shmi had been beaten and bruised until all she’d had were seconds left of her life for Anakin to see.</p><p> </p><p>“She was kidnapped and beaten by Tusken Raiders until she died from her wounds.”</p><p> </p><p>“But I foresaw it!” Anakin half yelled, tears welling up angrily in his eyes. “I foresaw it and I didn’t do anything to help her!”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you expecting to do for me?” Padme reached up, brushing a strand of hair out of his face. She kept her voice calm, trying to get him to see reason. What was he expecting he could do in such a situation? Childbirth was a natural way of life and it was the medics who Padme’s life really rested on, should the labour become difficult. Was Anakin expecting himself to learn years of medical practise in a few short months so he could help welcome their child into the Galaxy? It was illogical.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin paused, looking away for a second with a pained expression. “I—I don’t know, yet. But I’ll find a way— I promise you that, Padme.”</p><p> </p><p>For the time being, Padme let the talks of his nightmares drop. It was like talking to a wall; no matter what she said, Anakin would still obsess over trying to save her. He’d make it his personal mission to learn all he could— <em>do all he could</em>— to make sure she survived childbirth. In a way, Padme was slightly dejected that he had such little faith in her that he’d think she’d truly allow her life to slip away in such a way.</p><p> </p><p>She used to be a Queen, for Stars sake! She’d saved her planet from invasion, heading straight into battle to fight for her people’s rights, at the tender age of 14. And not to mention, she’d been a Senator for the past few years, pursuing every diplomatic mission she could to try and bring the endless War to a close.</p><p> </p><p>Padme Amidala was known around the Senate as fearless, courageous and unbreakable. She could sway millions of people to her own thought process with just one speech and had thousands of supporters all looking up to her, wanting to hear her voice.</p><p> </p><p>And here was her husband, totally convinced that the strong-willed and stubborn woman he’d married would die in the process of childbirth, as if she weren’t strong enough to bring their baby into the Galaxy healthily.</p><p> </p><p>“Anakin,” Padme felt her hands tighten on Anakin’s Jedi robes, unable to let go. “What aren’t you telling me? Why can’t you be honest with me? You’re so wrapped up in your fear of losing me to death that you’re losing me by pushing me away.”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin’s eyes widened and his hands on her waist clenched at the fabric, like he was afraid she would try and run away. “What? I’m not pushing you away! Padme, why would you say such a thing?”</p><p> </p><p>“Then <em>talk</em> to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought we were talking,” his startled expression ebbed away, replaced by the darker one from before.</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Padme shook her head, feeling the baby twist slightly in her stomach. He’d been quiet for the majority of Anakin and Padme’s conversation, something rather unusual given their son’s excitement whenever around their father. “This is you talking in random phrases and not letting me in. You need to explain what’s going on in that head of yours.”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin looked away to the window once more, his frown from before returned as he glared at the speeders flying by. He made a move as if he were trying to withdraw from her embrace but Padme clenched her fingers around his tunic even tighter, holding him in place.</p><p> </p><p>The baby gave a kick, as if encouraging her on.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m your wife Anakin,” her words were heavy to say. “Not just some woman whose bed you climb into at night and leave once the sun rises.”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin turned back to her, this time his glare settled on her and she knew she’d hit a nerve. “You know I have never thought of you like that— <em>never</em>!”</p><p> </p><p>“Then let me in; lean on me, Ani. Talk to me. Don’t push me away and don’t bare all your fears on your shoulders alone.” She took a deep breath, fighting the tears that threatened to rise up. “Throughout this War, we’ve had no time to act like a true married couple. Our relationship is based on secrecy and lies; we hide in shadows to show intimacy and we can’t even express our love in front of those we care about most. But this baby is going to change all that and one day, this War will be over and you’ll be home forever— not just for a few days or months at a time but <em>forever</em>.</p><p> </p><p>And that means we’ll have to be open and honest with each other. We won’t be taking all the stolen moments that we can get, we’ll be man and wife in true form and not just inside our apartment. How can you expect our relationship to survive if you are never honest with me? If you never let me in?”</p><p> </p><p>When Anakin didn’t reply, Padme goaded him more. “What did you mean when you said you felt lost?”</p><p> </p><p>All his life Anakin had wanted one thing: to be a Jedi. He’d dreamt of it as a young boy and he’d left Tatooine— he’d left his mother— to pursue that dream. Even 10 years on, when they’d fallen in love despite knowing it were forbidden, Anakin had still wanted to be a Jedi. It was why their relationship was so complicated: he wanted both when he could only have one.</p><p> </p><p>(It was why Padme refused to let him leave the Order out of fear he would one day resent her for making him give up his dream.)</p><p> </p><p>So for Anakin to admit to being lost, to being confused about what he wanted, it raised red flags in Padme’s mind. Did Anakin no longer want to be a Jedi? Or was he lost in other elements of life? He was only 22 years old with a pregnant wife so it was understandable that he felt a little conflicted about his current situation— Padme, as mature as she’d been at 22, would’ve highly doubted if she’d been ready for motherhood at Anakin’s age. A wave of guilt flooded through her; was this pregnancy too much on her husband? Marriage at 19 was one thing but fatherhood at 22 . . . was she being unfair to expect this much of him?</p><p> </p><p>“Are you feeling . . . “ Padme didn’t know what word to use: regret? Upset? Imposed? “Conflicted about this pregnancy?” She swallowed heavily, looking up to search Anakin’s face.</p><p> </p><p>What would she do if he said yes? What would she do if he admitted he wasn’t ready for fatherhood— or worse, he didn’t <em>want</em> to be a father? With Anakin being away and Padme discovery her pregnancy after he’d left, they’d been unable to discuss this next stage of their lives and their relationship as a couple. She’d been the one to make the executive decision on what to do and despite knowing it would blow their lives apart and reveal their secret, she’d been unable to do anything but love the child growing inside her. Not even for a second had she considered other possibilities.</p><p> </p><p>Was that wrong of her?</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Anakin looked like he’d been slapped, his eyes wide as he took in Padme’s worried expression. “How could you ask me that? Our baby is a blessing Padme!”</p><p> </p><p>“But you’re only 22 years old,” she tried, her voice faltering slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“So? And I’ve been at War for 3 years— I feel far older than 22. And my age doesn’t do anything to dull the love I have for you nor our baby. I would love you both if I were 40 the same as I love you both now. Do <em>you</em> feel conflicted about our baby?” He gave her a pointed look.</p><p> </p><p>Padme shook her head quickly, feeling relief bloom in her stomach. So Anakin was lost, yes, but he knew what he wanted when it came to their family. He wanted her; he wanted their baby. “No, Ani, of course not.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good.”</p><p> </p><p>“But then why do you feel lost?”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin’s jaw clenched but rather than ignore her this time, he opened his mouth a few times before answering. It was clear to Padme that he didn’t know how to voice his emotions, his unfocused expression showing her that he was thinking very hard on what to say.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he admitted finally, his hands clenching Padme’s waist as if he were afraid she would reject him because of his admission. In response, she reached up to press her palm to his cheek, her thumb rubbing circles by his temple. Immediately, he leaned into her hand and closed his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“With the Jedi?” She prompted. “You said you aren’t the Jedi you should be— but Ani, you can only be the Jedi that <em>you are</em>. Who you are and what you do is good enough. You’ve proven that during the War.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” Anakin nodded, accepting her words. And then he paused, his face scrunching up as if in pain and he opened his eyes. “No. I-I can feel myself slipping— I’m seeking for more, for more power and I know I shouldn’t. The Council can see it; I know they don’t trust me because of it. There’s a darkness in me, you can’t deny it Padme.”</p><p> </p><p>No, she couldn’t. As much as she wanted to deny it, there was a darkness in Anakin that she knew haunted him. There were demons that followed him and try as he might, he always ended up falling victim to his feelings of anger and jealousy.</p><p> </p><p>“But there’s also good in you, Ani,” she reminded him. Where Anakin often beat himself up, Padme saw it as her job to build him back up. “You’re a good person, with a heart so big that I get scared it’ll burst sometimes.”</p><p> </p><p>“I feel angry all the time,” Anakin carried on, a heavy frown on his face. “I’m angry at the Council for not granting me Master, I’m angry at the War and how little we’ve achieved and— and I’m angry at Obi-Wan.”</p><p> </p><p>His last few words felt like a punch in the gut. He was mad at Obi-Wan? Why? What had he done?</p><p> </p><p>“Anakin,” she kept her voice light as she carried on reasoning with him. “Don’t take this the wrong way but I think, due to your advanced abilities and how the Holonet obsesses over you, you almost expect to be handed certain titles simply because <em>you</em> feel you deserve it. You’re the youngest Jedi to be granted a seat on the Council— that’s something to celebrate. The Council will grant you the rank of Master when <em>they</em> feel you are ready, not the other way around.”</p><p> </p><p>“But I am ready!”</p><p> </p><p>“Why? Why do you feel you are ready?”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin opened and closed his mouth, looking for a reply. “I-I’m one of the most powerful— if not <em>the</em> most powerful Jedi in the Order! I’m faster and <em>better</em> than most of the Masters on that Council!”</p><p> </p><p>Padme frowned. “That’s your arrogance talking.”</p><p> </p><p>“You sound like Obi-Wan,” Anakin glared at her, growing frustrated.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, maybe he has a point. Which brings me to my next question: why are you so mad at Obi-Wan?”</p><p> </p><p>Once again, Anakin didn’t reply. He just looked out the window and frowned as if the speeders passing by were of some annoyance to him. Padme found herself growing frustrated at his lack of reply. Her feet were beginning to ache and the baby was once again kicking her stomach in ways she found uncomfortable and yet she refused to move until she and Anakin had sorted this out.</p><p> </p><p>“Ani?” She prompted, using her hand to push his face back to face her. “Why are you so mad at Obi-Wan?”</p><p> </p><p>It was like releasing a floodgate. All at once, Anakin stepped back out of her hold with a sort of aggressiveness she had never known he’d possessed; she stumbled slightly, only managing to regain her balance when she accidentally stumbled into the side of their bed. Anakin, however, seemed not to notice for he was pacing up and down before her, ranting.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s overly critical to the borderline of being <em>mean</em>! He never sees the good I do— all he comments on is the mistakes . . . on my <em>failures</em>. He wants me to be this perfect Jedi but I can’t be what he expects and he knows this so he <em>pushes</em> and <em>pushes</em> and <em>pushes</em> until I’m at breaking point! He never listens to what I have to say and he’ll always go with his plan over mine because <em>of course</em>, Obi-Wan knows best! He still treats me like i’m some helpless child and he refuses to see how I’ve grown— he treats me like a child, <em>constantly</em>. And it’s always lectures, lectures, lectures from him: it’s ‘don’t do that Anakin’ this and ‘be mindful of your emotions Anakin’ that. He never has any faith in me! I’m tired of his rules and his expectations and his <em>never-ending</em> <em>disappointed gaze</em>!”</p><p> </p><p>Padme watched as Anakin ranted and paced, growing increasingly more frustrated with each word he said. All his pent-up anger at Obi-Wan flowed through, spilling out of him like wounds finally exposed to the air. All she could do was stare, feeling horror at the way his face was scrunched up and hands were fisted by his sides. The baby in her stomach kicked uncomfortably once again and Padme raised her hands to cradle her bump, trying to provide what little comfort she could to her obviously scared child.</p><p> </p><p>“Ani—“</p><p> </p><p>“He didn’t even want me as his Padawan— the only reason he wants me to succeed as a Jedi is to prove his abilities in teaching.”</p><p> </p><p>“You know that’s not true—“</p><p> </p><p>“Isn’t it?” Anakin looked wild, his face pulled down with an expression she couldn’t name. Was this his insecurity flowing freely or did he truly believe that Obi-Wan cared so little for him?</p><p> </p><p>Her voice was barely a whisper when she replied. “Anakin, Obi-Wan loves you.”</p><p> </p><p>The anger on her husband’s face disappeared, replaced by a twisted expression of agony before he schooled his features until he gave nothing away. “Obi-Wan is a Jedi, he follows the Order completely like its his very soul; he would never break the attachment rule— not for me.”</p><p> </p><p>An image of a recently deceased friend filled Padme’s mind, reminding her that what Anakin said wasn’t true. “How can you say that when you know full well of the relationship Obi-Wan and Satine had in the past. Obi-Wan may never have broken the attachment rule as prominently as you have done but he still fell in love with her as a Padawan.”</p><p> </p><p>“But then he let her go!”</p><p> </p><p>“He would’ve left the Order if she’d asked, just like you would leave if I asked.”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin sighed, running a hand down his face. “I don’t know how the former Mandalorian Duchess has any relevance here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Because she proves that Obi-Wan can love! That he can form attachments!” Padme took a step closer to Anakin, seeing it as a small victory when he didn’t pull away as she once again wrapped her hands around his Jedi uniform and held him against her. “Are you really blind to Obi-Wan’s affection to you, Ani?”</p><p> </p><p>A look of doubt crossed Anakin’s face and Padme couldn’t help but wonder who was feeding into this insecurity. Who was driving a wedge between former Padawan and Master, pushing Anakin away from Obi-Wan until his head was too filled with insecurity and lies?</p><p> </p><p>“He’s always so critical,” Anakin whispered again, like he was trying to prove that everything he felt about Obi-Wan was justified. “Always complaining, always lecturing . . . He only sees my failures.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not true— Obi-Wan is guiding you, he’s your Mentor, he has to give you criticism if you ever expect to grow.”</p><p> </p><p>“But I’m not his Padawan anymore!”</p><p> </p><p>“When our child is your age,” Padme tried to make him see reason. “Will you stop trying to help them? Will you stop trying to guide our baby simply because they’re older than when they first needed your teaching?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not Obi-Wan’s son,” Anakin spat the words out like they were personally insulting. But underneath it, Padme could see the longing in his eyes. He was still just that young boy who’d been ripped from his home and his mother and desperately sought a paternal figure that could be there for him whenever he needed. Anakin had once told her that Obi-Wan was the closest he had to a father— was part of his resentment due to the fact he believed Obi-Wan didn’t view him in the same manner of a son?</p><p> </p><p>“You can be completely blind sometimes, Ani,” Padme shook her head, feeling mirthless at his attitude. She’d been witness to many Skywalker and Kenobi exchanges; she’d seen them interact and delve into heated topics. She’d stood by as they formulated plans with little to no words, the two of them working together as if they shared the same brain.</p><p> </p><p>Obi-Wan was a Jedi, yes, bound by his ties to the Council and the Order. But Padme didn’t know how Anakin couldn’t see how much Obi-Wan cared. He may never have said it but actions spoke a thousand words.</p><p> </p><p>“What about Ahsoka?” She tried a different tactic, perhaps one more attuned to the situation with Obi-Wan. “If she were still your Padawan today and she got Knighted in the near future, would you completely cut all ties to her?”</p><p> </p><p>“No! Never.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then how can you complain about Obi-Wan when you would be doing the same thing to her? You would still try to guide Ahsoka to be the best she could be. Just because you were Knighted, Ani, doesn’t mean you’ve learnt all you can. Obi-Wan is looking out for you— he’s only ever looked out for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“He didn’t want me to be his Padawan—“</p><p> </p><p>“You think the circumstances of how you two became Master and Padawan matters?” She frowned. “Yes, the reason Obi-Wan took you on was to fulfil a promise to Qui-Gon but that doesn’t mean the past 13 years have been a lie, Ani. Obi-Wan loves you for you— not because of a promise to Qui-Gon.”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin was silent for a second, frowning off to the side as he understood her words and <em>desperately</em> wanted to believe them but couldn’t. He desperately wanted Obi-Wan to care for him in the way Anakin did for him, he wanted his former Master to say everything that Padme was now promising him was true, but the doubt still lingered and it was wrapped in too much resentment for Anakin to release it.</p><p> </p><p>“Why don’t you talk to Obi-Wan, Ani? I think he would surprise you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why should I talk to him? We don’t need Obi-Wan’s help!” Her husband bristled.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe ‘we’ don’t,” her voice was so soft and quiet that had a pin dropped, it would’ve been louder than Padme was now. “But I think you do, Ani.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’ll just lecture me about attachments and about letting go. When everything was going on with Clovis, do you know what he said to me? He said he understood— to a degree— what was going on but that I had to learn to let go. I had to keep our relationship platonic because I have a duty to the Jedi and the Republic which can’t be compromised.”</p><p> </p><p>“And he was right,” Padme sighed, hating herself for admitting it. “We both have duties to the Republic which we can’t ignore. Yet the time for letting go has long passed; you can’t leave me anymore than I could leave you. Especially not now, not with the baby.”</p><p> </p><p>“Obi-Wan wouldn’t understand.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you expect to hide our child from Obi-Wan? You wouldn’t want Obi-Wan in their life?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>Padme felt the baby kick in a flurry of movements, one of her hands leaving Anakin’s robes to settle on her bump. “He’ll know everything once the baby is born; we can’t hide a child, Anakin.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” he spoke the words in a way that made Padme think he wish he could.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you judge Obi-Wan too harshly.”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin’s eyes were wide again, a look of fire brewing behind the blue orbs she loved. The baby quietened once more, like he were recoiling away from his father’s anger. “Obi-Wan judges <em>me</em> too harshly— the only person who ever acknowledges my strengths is the Chancellor!”</p><p> </p><p>At the mention of Palpatine, Padme recoiled as well. So it was the Chancellor who was feeding Anakin’s insecurities about Obi-Wan.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“The Chancellor is the only one who sees my potential! He’s the only one who gives me the compliments I need— the ones I <em>deserve</em>! He’s helped me more than the Jedi have the past few days and he’ll be the only one that I can trust to help save your life!”</p><p> </p><p>“Save my life? Ani, how is Palpatine meant to stop me dying in childbirth?” She took a step back, her hands circling her belly as if merely mentioning the Chancellor was putting her child at risk. As much as Padme had once respected the former Nubian Senator’s position in the Senate, she’d grown increasing wary of him in the past few months. Too many times had his actions bordered War-mongering and cruel.</p><p> </p><p>Something was going on here and Padme didn’t like it. Anakin had always been close to the Chancellor but in the past few days, that closeness seemed to be putting her more on edge. Her husband was blindly supporting the man as he got elected emergency powers and even grew bitter with her at the mere thought of criticism she directed to her former mentor.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin didn’t reply to her question and Padme felt as if ice was being plunged down her back. Palpatine was doing something— he was <em>saying</em> something to her husband which was causing this sort of reaction out of him.</p><p> </p><p>“What is he saying, Ani? What is he promising you?”</p><p> </p><p>“The Chancellor may know the way to save you from death,” Anakin admitted, his eyes pleading with her to understand. “He’s told me . . . stories, legends almost, about ways to prevent those you love from dying. If I learn the power he promises then we have nothing to fear, Angel. I can save you!”</p><p> </p><p>“What stories? And how does Palpatine know of these legends?”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s told me what I already know,” Anakin grew bitter. “That the Jedi are weak— that they’re responsible for this War! I won’t be able to save you until I release myself from the Jedi’s shackles and pursue other paths of the Force.” He reached out a hand to hold onto her once more but Padme took a shaky step back.</p><p> </p><p>“Ani? Why are you doing this?” Padme’s eyes were wide and she fought the fear clutching at her heart. “If it is my time to go, then it’ll be my time to go—“</p><p> </p><p>“No!” Anakin roared, all his desperation, anger and fear bundling up in one word. “I will not lose you Padme!”</p><p> </p><p>And suddenly Padme felt like her heart had been ripped into two. <em>You</em>. He’d said: I will not lose <em>you</em>. But what of their baby? When she’d questioned his dream the first night he’d had it, back when the news of her pregnancy had first been revealed and they’d been reunited for less than a day; he’d told her that the dream didn’t show him what happened to their child. He’d said that all he’d seen was her dying in childbirth and that the fate of their baby was unknown.</p><p> </p><p>“And what of the baby?” Tears welled up in Padme’s eyes and she pressed her palms more firmly against her swollen stomach. She’d only known this little life inside her for about 5 months, having discovered her pregnancy a short time after Anakin had left for the Outer Rim sieges, but already Padme knew she would do <em>anything</em> for her child.</p><p> </p><p>She would fight anyone who threatened her baby’s life.</p><p> </p><p>“What about the baby?” Anakin’s features relaxed slightly, confusion taking over.</p><p> </p><p>“Anakin,” Padme didn’t want to ask but she knew she needed to know. It was clear Anakin was obsessed with thoughts surrounding what he believed to be her impending death. And in the (what she believed to be absurd) event of her unfortunate death, she needed to know her child would be looked after. “Would you still be there for the baby if I died?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>What</em>?” He hissed the word.</p><p> </p><p>“Ani, if I do die in childbirth, what would you do?”</p><p> </p><p>Her husband didn’t reply, instead he glared at the floor like he was trying to burn a hole through the carpet. Padme wasted no time in rushing forward, a maternal ferocity growing inside her as she used her hand to pull Anakin’s chin up so he was facing her. There were many times Padme had stood her ground when arguing with Anakin but this felt like something different. There was a fire in her, something so fiercely protective, that allowed no room for nonsense to take place.</p><p> </p><p>This was important— she couldn’t imagine Anakin abandoning the baby in her womb but she needed to know. She needed to hear him say it.</p><p> </p><p>“Anakin. Tell me you would still raise our child. Tell me you won’t leave him.”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin looked at her with so much pain that for a second Padme wanted to burst into tears. He obviously didn’t want to discuss any possible future where she were not there to raise their baby with him but after the longest of seconds he nodded. “Of— of course. I love her Padme, I won’t leave her.”</p><p> </p><p>“I want our baby to grow up on Naboo,” she carried on. She wanted him to hear this— she wanted him to <em>know</em>. “I want him to be free to be who he wants to be; I don’t want his life to be tied to duty and expectations. I want our son to have a childhood we never had and . . . I want him to be loved, Ani. Whether I’m there or not.</p><p> </p><p>“Promise me,” Padme whispered, looking into Anakin’s eyes like she were trying to read his soul. If she were to die, she wanted Anakin to remember this moment. To remember her sincerity concerning her child’s future. “Promise me that, Anakin.”</p><p> </p><p>A tear slipped down Anakin’s cheek and for a second Padme thought he was going to turn abruptly and leave her words unanswered. But then he swallowed heavily and closed his eyes, a few more tears slipping down his cheeks. “I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>“But I won’t let that happen Padme,” Anakin continued a minute later once he’d gotten control of himself again. “I won’t let you die. The Chancellor will help me and together we’ll make sure you survive childbirth.”</p><p> </p><p>“What are these legends he’s telling you about, Ani?” She purposely kept her voice calm and free from suspicion despite the way her heart pounded in her chest. If she freaked out then Anakin most likely won’t tell her what Palpatine had been saying.</p><p> </p><p>Anakin stumbled over his words for a few seconds, looking truly lost and confused. For the briefest of moments, Padme thought back to the 9 year old boy on his way to Coruscant for the first time: shivering all alone and feeling scared about what the future would bring. “Legends about powerful Force users who— who were able to save the ones they loved from death . . . who could stop death entirely.”</p><p> </p><p>Bile rose up in Padme’s throat. “Are these . . . old Jedi legends?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“How does Palpatine know of these legends?”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin faltered for a minute. “I—uh— I don’t know. But don’t you see Padme: he can help us!”</p><p> </p><p>“Have you told him about us?” Horror filled her mind, making her want to cry for the millionth time since she’d come home from the Senate earlier. Despite everything Palpatine had done for her and all his comforting words and encouragement, something didn’t sit right with Padme knowing he could be the only person in the Galaxy (minus her handmaidens) who knew of her and Anakin’s baby. It was like a flare of danger flashed up in her mind, the baby kicking in her stomach as if to confirm he was scared too.</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Anakin shook his head absentmindedly. “Of course not. But we could go to him and he can teach me more about these legends— more about the power I need so I can save you.”</p><p> </p><p>A strangled noise escaped Padme’s throat. “You would rather go to Palpatine than Obi-Wan?”</p><p> </p><p>This time Anakin looked as if he were the one talking to a wall. “Didn’t you hear a word I said? <em>The Chancellor</em> is the one who can help us.”</p><p> </p><p>“By filling your head with lies and false promises?” Padme didn’t mean for her words to be so sharp.</p><p> </p><p>“What? No—“</p><p> </p><p>“Haven’t you stopped and thought about how the Chancellor knows everything he’s been telling you? How he knows about these legends? Why he’s associating with such darkness that goes against the Jedi teachings? Why is he telling you <em>exactly what you want to hear</em> if he doesn’t know about me or the baby?”</p><p> </p><p>“The Chancellor is a good man—“</p><p> </p><p>“He’s manipulating you!” The words were out of Padme’s mouth before she even realised how true they were. Suddenly, like a blindfold was lifted from her eyes, Padme understood the true gravity of the situation. Ever since he’d been a young boy, new to Coruscant and alienated in the Jedi Order, Palpatine had taken a liking to Anakin. He’d tucked him under his wing, treating him with all the bravo Anakin believed he deserved and boosted her husband’s arrogance by giving him the compliments Obi-Wan held back from.</p><p> </p><p>And now, with Palpatine being the one to demand Anakin’s appointment on the Jedi Council and clearly fuelling his distrust for the Order as a whole, Padme could see just how deep the Chancellor’s manipulations ran. He was trying to isolate Anakin from those he loved and who loved him.</p><p> </p><p>It was her fear and her desperation that made Padme grab Anakin’s face once more and force him to stare directly into her eyes. “Anakin— you know I love you, right? You know I would never do or say anything to hurt you. My heart and soul belongs to you and my devotion is to our family and our family alone. And Obi-Wan loves you too; all his criticisms are to help you and so you can learn from your mistakes, no matter how small. He takes pride in your accomplishments because they’re <em>yours</em>, not because he has any hand in them. Please, Ani, hear me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I—I hear you. But why are you telling me this?”</p><p> </p><p>“The Chancellor is telling you lies. He’s giving you false promises—“</p><p> </p><p>“No, he’s helping me . . . us! With his new emergency powers, he’ll be able to bring a stop to the fighting and restore peace to the Galaxy.”</p><p> </p><p>“You think he’ll give up those new powers so easily?” Butterflies were starting to flutter in Padme’s stomach, the baby strangely silent. She and Anakin often didn’t see eye-to-eye on matters of the war and politics but this felt different; everything he was saying seemed so raw and so <em>wrong</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“He doesn’t need to. He’ll restore order <em>by</em> having those powers and will make things the way they <em>need</em> to be!”</p><p> </p><p>“By being a dictator?” Padme could hardly believe what she was hearing. “You’re really going to stand there and tell me you support a dictatorship?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Anakin shook his head, his expression unreadable. “No— I just think Palpatine can bring order in a way that needs to be done.”</p><p> </p><p>“Anakin, the order you’re suggesting is tyrannical. You would really want a leader who likes his subjects one day and orders a massacre of them the next?”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin frowned, disgusted. “You think the Chancellor is capable of such atrocious acts?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hasn’t the War proved that, already? The amount of Republic citizens who have been ignored or denied basic rights in these past 3 years proves that— and at each turn, Palpatine has done little to sway the Senate over to help those <em>he</em> is in charge over.”</p><p> </p><p>An image of Teckla Minnau, Padme’s recently deceased handmaiden, filled her mind. She thought of what Teckla had told her over a year ago, back when she’d been presenting the same issue she was now with Anakin, to the Senate. Padme remembered Teckla’s sad eyes as she described how her children were suffering, unable to do their homework for they lived in darkness because the basic functions the Republic paid for were being funnelled into the war effort.</p><p> </p><p>Padme thought about her own child, the boy she was so sure she was having, and how he may suffer in the future if Anakin carried on supporting corrupted leaders like Palpatine. Would their son's freedom and education be affected or would he have some of his basic rights taken away? It made her shiver with fear.</p><p> </p><p>“Why would you want a future like that for our child?” She whispered, the pain evident in her tone. Hearing it, Anakin’s face softened a fraction.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s better than them growing up in a war isn’t it?”</p><p> </p><p>For a second, Padme imagined the war continuing on for another decade, her baby growing up in a Galaxy where the fighting around him seemed normalised. She imagined Anakin coming and going much like he did now, kissing their son’s head before he left for another battle and their child crying much like she did on nights when the fear of losing Anakin grew too much.</p><p> </p><p>A terrifying thought plagued Padme’s mind of their baby growing up, looking so much like his father, and joining the war effort alongside Anakin. Padme didn’t know if she would be able to handle both the men she loved risking their lives in such a way. What if they both died and Padme was left with that heartbreak, alone?</p><p> </p><p>“Anakin, you really think peace will prevail if we get caught up in a dictatorship? That people will sit idly by when one man rules the entire Galaxy? There will always be an opposition if people’s voices are ignored.”</p><p> </p><p>Her husband frowned, taking a step back from her embrace and this time, Padme let him go. Anakin ran a hand through his hair, that familiar frown returning. “You have no faith in the Chancellor.” He said it like a fact, his disappointment seeping through.</p><p> </p><p>“And you have too much,” Padme countered. It was at times like this that Padme wondered how Anakin could be so— well, for lack of better word: stupid. She knew his loyalties to the Chancellor ran deeply but there was something so <em>off</em> about the friendship that Anakin and Palpatine shared. Her husband was a Jedi, his allegiance should be to the Republic, not to its leader.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re starting to sound like the Council,” Anakin’s frown deepened and he pointed a gloved finger at her, intending on being intimidating. But Padme didn’t allow herself to feel scared; she just glared straight back.</p><p> </p><p>“And have you not considered the possibility that they’re right? The Council doesn’t trust Palpatine— shouldn’t that set off alarms in your head? And now he’s telling you legends about saving loved ones from death . . . stories to which the Jedi know nothing off . . .”</p><p> </p><p>“What exactly are you trying to suggest Padme?”</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t really know what to say or how to say it. “That perhaps maybe the Chancellor isn’t the good man you believe him to be.”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin’s response was one of outrage; his eyes flashed with a fire that had never been directed at her before and his lips twisted into a snarl. “What you are talking about is <em>treason</em>!”</p><p> </p><p>The baby in her stomach kicked once more and Padme wrapped her arms around the bump, wishing not for the first time that despite everything, despite the war and the uncertainty of the times around them, that her baby had already been born. She couldn’t wait to hold her son in her arms and feel his soft skin pressed against her own, his blue eyes (she was certain their son had inherited Anakin’s eyes) gazing up at her with such innocence.</p><p> </p><p>But Anakin continued to glare at her from across the room and Padme changed her mind: she was glad their baby was still safely tucked up in her womb. “Why are you turning on me Anakin?” Her voice was a mixture of sadness and anger, feeling Anakin’s own rage was misplaced. She knew the Chancellor was a sensitive subject to him but Padme had never expected him to react this way to her<em>— never her</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what I’m saying is true,” Padme continued on, settling Anakin with her own glare. Only a few times had their arguments ever got this heated but something in Padme told her to not relent. To not let this go. “You know my suspicions— and the Council’s suspicions— are well founded. You know something darker is at play here; I know that you know, Anakin. But you keep insisting on how much you <em>need</em> the Chancellor— how much you <em>need</em> Palpatine to save my life. You’re allowing yourself to be lied to, to be manipulated! And I won’t stand for it Anakin . . . especially not because of me.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a Senator— you’re meant to support the Chancellor,” Anakin spoke as if hadn’t heard her. “Everything you’ve been saying these past few days, everything about the war and Palpatine not having the best interests of the people at heart, it’s all treason, Padme. You’re meant to be supporting the Chancellor’s rule!”</p><p> </p><p>“I support the Republic— not Palpatine individually. My allegiance is to democracy, Anakin. If what you’re suggesting, with the Chancellor becoming a dictator, comes to be then that isn’t something I can stand by and accept. That’s not the Galaxy I want our baby to grow up in.”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin looked like he was about to say something but changed his mind last minute, his heavy frown returning as he looked away.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you blindly following Palpatine, Ani?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>You know why</em>,” Anakin’s growl was so cold and dark that for a second, Padme forgot he was her husband. His words sent a chill down her back and her arms tightened around her baby bump, like she would if she were in the presence of someone dangerous. <em>But this was Anakin</em>, her mind reminded her although her protective stance for her baby didn’t lessen.</p><p> </p><p>“Because of his . . . legends?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because the stories— the powers— he’ll teach me, will be what saves you!”</p><p> </p><p>“The powers? What kind of powers? Surely these powers will demand a sacrifice!” Padme wasn’t invested in understanding the Force nor much that comes with it but she was smart enough to realise that if Anakin were to seek the power to stop death entirely then it wouldn’t come easily. Such dark, terrible things never did.</p><p> </p><p>“I will do what I must if it procures your survival,” Anakin spoke distantly, refusing to meet her gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“At the cost of your soul?” Padme felt a lump rise in her throat and she could barely believe this was where their conversation had taken them. From Anakin confiding in her his feelings of being lost to admitting he would stop at nothing to save her life. “You’re a good person, don’t do that!”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t live without you Padme!”</p><p> </p><p>“But you’ll have to!” She hadn’t meant to yell but the words had ripped out of her throat before she could stop them. “If I die in childbirth, Ani, then you’ll have to <em>learn</em> how to live without me. You won’t be alone— you’ll still have Obi-Wan and Ahsoka and Rex will always have your back. And,” Padme paused, her eyes filling with tears. “You’ll have our child. You’ll have a piece of me with you, forever.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you talking like this,” Anakin’s voice was barely a whisper, a lone tear sliding down his cheek. “I’ve already told you that I won’t let you die. The Chancellor is going to help me save you—“</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you think it’s a little convenient that the Chancellor so happens to know about these legends when the Jedi don’t? Palpatine is a Politician— how does he know about these so-called powers? And then he just so happens to provide answers to a fear that you haven’t even confided in him on. It’s too convenient to be coincidence, Ani . . . you started having nightmares of my death only a few nights ago and then suddenly only a day or two later, Palpatine already knows of a way to save me.”</p><p> </p><p>Padme took in a deep breath, trying to remain strong despite how broken and scared Anakin looked from across the room. His head was hung low and a few tears were slipping down his cheeks. It was as if he understood her words and by accepting them, he felt as if he were condemning her to death.</p><p> </p><p>“Anakin, I will not stand by and allow you to destroy the good person that you are— not for me. I won’t be a pawn in whatever game Palpatine is playing. I don’t understand what these legends he’s telling you about are nor what he’s promising he can do in return for my life.”</p><p> </p><p>Anakin paused, looking up at Padme for what felt like the first time in a while. His blue eyes were wide and slightly bloodshot and Padme could see the fear behind them. She wasn’t sure if she looked just a mess as Anakin did but she willed herself to remain strong, keeping her chin up and forcing her lips not to tremble. Being a child Queen meant Padme was well-versed in her ability to keep a strong facade (although every emotional barrier she built up was destroyed by one look at Anakin.)</p><p> </p><p>“You have to choose: me or Palpatine.”</p><p> </p><p>Her husband scoffed, acting as if she’d just uttered the most moronic words he’d ever heard. “Of course I choose you, Padme; I’ll always choose you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then you have to give up whatever Palpatine is promising,” Padme kept her voice hard as she fisted her hands by her sides, trying to keep all the composure she was taught as a child. “If you pick me then you don’t look to learn whatever <em>powers</em> Palpatine promises you. You don’t listen to his legends and you stop blindly following him, especially when you know it isn’t right.</p><p> </p><p>“If you pick me, then you pick <em>me</em>.” She emphasised the last word, feeling suddenly very tired. The baby in her stomach kicked gently and Padme felt a little overwhelmed by her son’s support.</p><p> </p><p>“And if I don’t pick you?”</p><p> </p><p>A lump formed in Padme’s throat and for a second, she almost regretted this entire conversation. A part of her wished that she’d just brushed off Anakin’s words earlier and wrapped herself in his embrace as if nothing were wrong. They could’ve been shooting baby names back and forth right now, surrounded only by hopes of their future and their love.</p><p> </p><p>But she hadn’t caved and here they were now, on the edge with their entire future resting on whatever decision Anakin made. Even though they’d married in secret and the both of them had known the consequences of their union, Padme had never actually expected her marriage to fail. Call it wishful thinking but when she’d pledged her life to Anakin Skywalker that day on Naboo, she’d truly believed they would grow old together. She’d held onto the belief that everything would work out and their love would prevail no matter their circumstances.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you know what’ll happen,” Padme pressed her lips together to stop them from wobbling. Despite the seriousness of their conversation, she couldn’t bring herself to say what they both knew she meant. Padme could never look Anakin in the eyes and tell him she would leave him, her heart belonged to him and she knew she would never love any man the way she did him. But if he continued down this path, heading in a direction she could not follow, then Padme was prepared for the heartbreak.</p><p> </p><p>She half expected him to grow angry and to yell or throw something. Padme watched as something bordering determination filled Anakin’s eyes as he took a few long-strides towards her, until they were face-to-face once more. His hand moved to cup the back of her neck, staring down at her with a sort of intensity that Padme both welcomed and felt afraid of.</p><p> </p><p>“I choose you.”</p><p> </p><p>The words were so simple and yet they cemented their long and happy life together.</p><p> </p><p>“No more listening to Palpatine,” Padme cleared up, the relief she felt showing through her eyes. The baby kicked wildly once more and Padme smiled when Anakin rested his other hand on her bump, feeling their child’s movement. In response, the baby kicked harder and Anakin let out a sobered chuckle. “No more harbouring resentment for Obi-Wan— you need to be honest with him Anakin and let him know how you feel. And no more keeping me in the dark. If you have another nightmare then let us work through it together; don’t face this like its your problem alone.”</p><p> </p><p>“You say all of that like it's easy,” Anakin’s voice was hushed and she could see the vulnerability in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I know it won’t be,” Padme shot back, the hand not placed over Anakin’s on her bump rose up to brush his hair back from his face. “But I have faith we can do this, together. But only together.”</p><p> </p><p>“Together,” Anakin whispered, nodding his head.</p><p> </p><p>And Padme knew in her heart that it wouldn’t be easy, that Palpatine’s whisperings in Anakin’s ear would be hard to ignore and the power he offered would be intoxicating. The decade long friendship between the Chancellor and Anakin was slowly breaking down, showing the true depths of manipulation and the lies that it had been founded upon when her husband had been a mere 9 year old boy.</p><p> </p><p>There was still much that Anakin needed to work on: his anger, for one, his relationship with Obi-Wan and the Council, another. It wouldn’t be easy to repair and the stress of his nightmares would remain but this time, Padme knew she was going to be there on the frontlines to wipe away Anakin’s tears and remind him of why he shouldn’t fall to the darkness that tried to lure him in.</p><p> </p><p>The baby in her stomach kicked once more, a leg managing to connect with both the left and right side of her womb, and Padme smiled. Because no matter how hard it was going to be, she knew the bright future ahead of them would be worth it.</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p> </p><p>Several days later, when Chancellor Palpatine, now an outed Sith, was pleading with Anakin to help save his life so in return Padme could live, Anakin knew what he had to do.</p><p> </p><p>He chose his family.</p><p> </p><p>A day later, when Ahsoka returned to Coruscant with Maul in tow, the Jedi learnt the truth about Palpatine’s plot and uncovered the true deception of the Clone Wars. Maul growled and groaned as he told what little of his Master’s plan he knew and laughed at how close the Jedi had been to extinction.</p><p> </p><p>And through it all, as the Galaxy reeled in shock and the Jedi despaired at the evil that had almost won, Anakin Skywalker smiled at his wife as they lay in bed. In their arms were two bundles, one with a tuff of blonde hair and one with a tuff of brown.</p><p> </p><p>And Anakin didn’t feel so lost anymore.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was tempted to leave the ending open and ambiguous so it wouldn't be clear whether Anakin turned to the Dark Side or not (breaking Padme's promise) but I'm a sucker for fix-its so here you go.</p><p>(Also, in case you haven't watched The Clone Wars-- which you totally should-- I mentioned a few characters from the show. Satine: Obi-Wan's ex lover [and mother of his son, Korkie, although that was never confirmed but come on, the kid looks too much like the both of them to just be Satine's 'nephew'. But that's an argument for another day]. Clovis: an old friend of Padme who wanted to rekindle their romance. Teckla: Padme's former handmaiden.)</p><p>(I know I don't have to explain my reasonings behind things but I love to do it anyway [its therapeutic to me]: </p><p>The reason Padme gave Anakin an ultimatum at the end is because I love how in Rots Anakin is subtly presented the ultimatum of: Padme or Palpatine. He's presented a similar ultimatum in Rotj with it being either Luke or Palpatine. But unlike Rotj where Luke is literally being murdered right in front of him, Anakin doesn't realise that he's being presented an ultimatum in Rots. He thinks his options are Padme AND Palpatine. So I ended it with Padme acknowledging that Anakin has to choose between her and the Dark Side and that they don't go hand-in-hand.)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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